When I first started writing this blog I was in the midst of daughter drama (but hey, when haven’t I been in the midst of daughter drama?). It was February 2012 and two of my daughters lived with me and my husband. A third daughter was just a few months from getting married, and my oldest daughter was already married and a mom herself. There was a lot going on with all of them and life was not always a bowl of cherries. I wrote to vent and to try and make sense of so much that seemed idiotic and downright stupid.
Now, just three short years later, my life has changed so much! It doesn’t feel like it’s been only three years; it feels like ten or more. Now, only one daughter remains in my house. And even though she is still here, she is nearly “launched.” Not quite ready to be on her own but very much an independent young woman rarely needing my guidance. Ha! Three years ago I thought this day would never come, or that I’d die before I saw it. Or that she would die as a result of the really bad choices she made every day. Oh, how the journey was treacherous! But I am relieved to know it is behind me (us).
With all of these changes, I’ve been cogitating for weeks (months, really) whether I should abandon this blog and start a new one. My original focus was to make sense of the nonsensical, to write openly about the difficult challenges I was experiencing in trying to shepherd daughters through adolescence and into adulthood in today’s world. After much thought, I’ve decided I’m going to stick with this one a while longer. After all, I created my four daughters and through that experience I am who I am today because of them. I am the product of my four daughters.
So it seems fitting to keep the blog name, and keep writing about my life and interactions with them. For while they are nearly all on their own, I still sometimes struggle with their choices. But mostly, I am struggling with trying to reconcile who I am today with the woman I was before I became a mom. And as I watch my daughters become women and mothers, I see myself thirty years younger in them.
I want to believe that by writing this blog, I’ll be able to process thoughts and ideas until they are fully formed and ready to be spoken and shared with whichever daughter I am interacting with. I am still learning how to be a mom, even after all these years. Funny. On the very first day of my first daughter’s life, my doctor told me I’d be a mom until the day I died. The older I get, the more profound that statement becomes.